I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
