She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
