Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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