He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
