Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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