Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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