I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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