i used baking grease as lip gloss
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
