My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
