No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
