guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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