last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
