I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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