I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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