No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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