1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
