remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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