oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
