dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
