hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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