I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
