Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He? As in you personified your dick?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
