Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
