She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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