oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
