Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
