kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
