I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
