Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
