True but thats because hes a fetus.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
