You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
