So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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