The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
