I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
