Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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