So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
