We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
