i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
