she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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