You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
