Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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