I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
