how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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