I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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