Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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