: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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