dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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