I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
