hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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