We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
