If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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