i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
